Grief

from Could Have by Eat Every Pill

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lyrics

I wake up in a room I decorated once. When I was convinced I’d get better. Your scented candles unlit on the shelf. Says they’re pine, but it’s you I smell. Can you still make that sound with your knuckles? I always thought you’d hurt yourself. I always knew you’d be stronger, but grief’s an elixir. And I’d drink a toast to staying young. That shit I’d say about believing in God, and how I’d see my dad again. I started thinking of life as something I could end at will. I needed to hate someone, and I figured that I would do. Do you still flinch when your father raises his voice? “I’ll Catch You” plays, I swear, whenever I’m thinking of how this could be the end. I know I’m loyal to my grief. More than I ever was to you. I’ll catch nothing but my voice inside my throat.

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from Could Have, released December 11, 2018

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